women happy in relationships, a new study found
that kissing, cuddling and caressing are more
important to men than they are to women.
The researchers, from The Kinsey Institute in
Bloomington, Ind., were also surprised to find that
more men reported being happy in their relationships
while more women reported being sexually satisfied.
Women who were in relationships for at least 15 years
were more likely to be sexually satisfied than women
in relationships less than 15 years.
The study authors surveyed more than 1,000
couples from the U.S. and four other countries to
determine what factors predict relationship
satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. All study
participants reported being in their current
relationships for an average of 25 years.
"This study makes it clear our assumptions aren't
always borne out by research," said Jennifer Bass,
director of communications at The Kinsey Institute.
The researchers weren't immediately available for
interviews.
Psychologists who were not involved in the research
were intrigued by the finding that men with long-term
partners need touch and affection to be happy in
relationships, but say in general, touch is very
important.
"Touch from a person you love and trust is a major
emotional resource and a way that people can
regulate their emotions when they are upset," said
Aline Zoldbrod, a psychologist in Lexington, Mass.
"Couples who use touch to comfort, to compliment,
and yes, to seduce and arouse, are bound to be
happier."
"While the women in this study also like physical
gestures of affection, these gestures tended to be
associated for them with increased satisfaction in
their sexual activity," said Heitler. "For them, an
affectionate hubby leads to more sexual pleasure."
Many women in long-term relationships, however,
were not surprised by the finding that sex is so
important to women who have been with their
partners a long time.
"I have been with my husband since I was 19 years
old (I just turned 40), and sexual satisfaction is a
major part of why our marriage works," said Saideh
Browne of Brooklyn, N.Y.
Another woman, who wanted to remain anonymous,
said: "I'm a 46-year-old woman that has been married
for 30 years this summer. We have had ups and
downs in our sexual relationship over the years, but I
have to say that the times when we were having an
active sex life was when I was happiest in our
marriage."
Jessica Gottlieb, who has been married for 14 years,
said: "I'm a married woman, the world should assume
that I enjoy sex. It's part of the deal."
However, experts say sexual satisfaction is difficult
to measure, and it could also be the case that study
participants define it in different ways.
Later Years Very Different for
Men and Women
Susan Heitler, a couples psychologist in Denver
who also founded the online counseling resource
Power of Two, said previous studies have found
relationship needs change over time.
"Prior research has shown that as people age, men
focus more on general relationship satisfaction and
women ... increasingly value the sexual aspects of the
relationship," she said.
There could be a number of reasons why women's
need for sexual satisfaction increases over the course
of a relationship.
"Maybe after 15 years of being married, it's not a
difficult time as far as raising children is concerned,
and women can devote more time to their sexual
satisfaction," she said.
Experts also say biology could also be a reason.
"Men are at their sexual drive peak in their late teens
while women are at their peaks in their early 30s,"
said Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills, Calif.-based
psychotherapist and author of "The Self-Aware
Parent."
"Men may become less concerned about sex because
they are feeling spontaneously aroused less
frequently with age," said Heitler. "They still like sex,
but they feel less desperate for it than in their
younger years."
Many women establish identities outside the home
and as they get older, feel more empowered to get
their sexual needs met.
"Women gain ego strength and a sense of their own
sexual rights as they age and so if expectations are
not met or their partner does not attempt to please
them, they can be upset, even angry," said Pepper
Schwartz, senior fellow at the Contemporary Council
on the Family and author of Prime: Adventures and
Advice about Sex, Love and the Sensual Years.
Other factors that predicted relationship happiness
in the study were good health among men and being
able to function well sexually among men and
women.
While men and women differed about what made
them happy in their relationships, both sexes
reported being happier the longer they were involved
with their significant others.
The study also found differences in relationship and
sexual satisfaction across cultures. For example,
Japanese men reported being more satisfied sexually
than American men, and Japanese and Brazilian
women were more satisfied sex
however, since subjects from the different countries
weren't all similar in terms of factors like age.
"The research does show interesting findings that
need to be explored much further to see how it
translates to a large international population," said
Amy Levine, a certified sexuality educator in New York
and founder of Sex Ed Solutions, a sex education web
site.
This study may also offer comfort to many men who
think they're the only ones whose wives or girlfriends
aren't always interested in sex.
"Perhaps this will soothe some of the men in their
thirties and forties who think that their situation of
having a wife who is not all that enthusiastic about
sex is unique," said Zoldbrod.
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